Tuesday this time. Eventually we'll settle into some kind of cycle, but honestly lets be real, probably not. 

 The last two weeks have been alright. We've been getting out on the weekends quite often and having a good time with that, but definitely need to slow down or at least stop spending so much on crap (mostly fun food things we find while out driving).  Been mostly working on fixing things as they break lately. 

 The driver's side seat back in my son's car decided to just die on him and lay flat and not come back, so we had to spend a few days going to junk yards and finding the right replacement. We did eventually and it was mostly affordable and not too terribly far away. We got the old one out, put the new one in, everything's happy. 

 Moved some stuff around with the servers too since the last time we updated here. We've got two servers, one is a Dell T610 actual server machine, the other is a beefy desktop I used as a domain controller before the big one showed up. For a long time that one basically just hosted files because the big one did everything else. Well I wanted to get all my file hosting over to the big one too, so we worked on getting hard drives. 

 As of now it's got 6 3tb SAS drives installed, in a RAID 5 for about 15TB of space to work with.  That was more than enough space to spend three days copying the data over tot he new location, updating the shares, pointing Plex at the right thing, and getting the torrents all sorted back out again. I did install a 10gbe NIC into the desktop server, but the card for the big one doesnt fit so we are ordering a new one of those and trying it int he PCIe port. The last time I installed a NIC to the PCIe ports on this machine it gave me an error that performance was degraded due to too much power being used. apparently those PCIe ports are limited to 25w. I tried moving the RAID card to the RAID PCIe port, but that port is broken and doesn't recognize the SAS cable in port A, even though it works fine in the other ports. I did try cleaning it, but that didnt make a difference. So right now I'm sitting on the idea of replacing the motherboard, since it's only like 50 bucks and might fix the issue. 

 I've been mostly avoiding people. I dont know why, i just havent been in the mood to do anything with people lately. I did get on and play some peak with voods and the dudes on saturday after the oldschool guys and i played some stuff. The new game we started playing was pretty entertaining, but who knows if we stick with it. 

 Been missing jamming out with the records. Its fun to do alone but sometimes it's nice to have people around for it. Mrs Potato and I did that the first weekend i didnt stream and it was really nice but we havent made it down here together to do that again since. There was a moment this weekend when I thought about maybe doing a little bit of a party/jam thing for an hour or so, but never did.  I dont know why. I think it was the game that was one (baseball) and people's birthdays and i just didnt wanna add anything to the mix, even if it was brief. 

 Well I just got rear ended driving home form the office, but someone that is definitely half my age and not paying attention. Made a report, but in my state we have "no fault" insurance, which means you pay for your own shit. So thats worthless. Awesome. 

 

 

 Thought we could try something new this time around and start the week on a sunday. The weekend has been pretty good, both in rest and with activity. 

We started friday pretty not great, but after work Mrs Potato and i went to get a sandwich and sit in a park. I want to start walking in parks more often, but with the weather starting to turn around here that will probably have to be something for the springtime. It was still a nice day and sitting in the fresh air having a nice little dinner is a good way to spend the time. 

 The dudes and i had sort of a weird disjointed weekend game time but it was still nice. We played some peak friday night and then just watched a movie saturday. I think the racing movie was a nice thing to do, mostly because i probably wouldnt have watched it on my own and I've really missed watching stuff with other people. Watching movies in groups is always a nice way to unwind. Especially when its old-man brad pitt driving a neat car, haha. The movie was so silly but the racing sequences were cool enough to keep us all into it til the stupid end. 

The next week or so will be interesting while i prep for a pretty major change up in the way that the server and most of my storage is set up.I've lucked into 6 3tb sas drives that should all work great and that should give me more than enough raided space on the server to finally move all the important stuff off of the old drives in the desktop file server. I call it that b/c it's really just a beefy desktop with a bunch of hard drives. It's cool but i'd rather have everything on the server platform than that, and use that to host network backups of the virtual machines.Then they both get cloud backups, because im a nerd like that. 

It'll mean i'll have to take everything offline a few times and move some drives around, but also move/copy all that data off of Michiru over to the new shares on Yoshino. Moving the movies shares temporarily off of the 4tb i need to take out of the t610 took 8 hours, i'm interested to see how long it takes for the 13TB or so to move to the new shares. There are too many drives to plug them into the t610 directly, and the 3tb drives will take up 6 of the 8 drive bays anyway. 

I think it'll make sense, i hope so anyway. I think i net gain about 3tb overall, which is good. And organizationally it'll make more sense, since the raided drives will basically just be one large drive, then each share it's own folder. Although with the raw space I could designate certain amounts of space to certain shares and make them their own drives, but that seems like a stupid idea, since it would be difficult to resize those partitions if i needed to. I think one giant partition makes the most sense.We'll see next weekend i guess. 

We are excited for our next day off, halloween. Decided this year to actually try and use all my PTO days before the end of the year, so i picked halloween, black friday, and the working days around christmas. Im really stoked with those choices but it does mean i have to work all month with the light at the end of the month as far as days off go. It'll be great to have that christmas week off again though, i really do love that. It's a great time to recharge and get ready for the next round about the sun. 

Lets take bets on likelyhood of whining tomorrow. I'm bettin yea

 

 Happy Monday, as they like to say. This weekend was pretty restful, had some time to clean up and keep rearranging stuff. We got all the stuff in for the tv in our bedroom so roskabox got re-purposed as a new tv computer. I'll move the installation of the roskadj stuff over to Michiru this week so the dudes and I can still use it for friday nights, since thats been kind of a winner since i got that working. they like it, i like it, and it honestly just feels weird to play games and not have some jams going.  Its been a weird transition, but i think putting that computer in our room with a different job was the best way to get myself worked out of my funk. It showed her that i'm really probably actually done streaming. i think i am. maybe i wanna go back still, but the time in my life just doesnt exist to do a good job. I dont think i've done a good job with juggling that with real life at all. 

 Today we are cushion shopping for the kotatus. We've got the two, but only enough cushions for one since the one used to be down here and i was the only one that used it. I feel like a new large warm kotatsu blanket with be a great idea too, or maybe a comfy rug to sit on in our room (and cover the corner destroyed by the rabbit, rio rabbit) or probably all of the above. I know I'm also looking for bedside lamps, and a lamp for the living room, and whatever else she wants to pick up. At least im not super focus on records or tapes right now. I do have a lot of them and i should work on actually archiving them before they get weird. Not that i've had any get weird on me, but i know just playing them can wear them down a little, same with the tapes. I keep them in a dry area away from the sun. 

 Its getting to be about that time of day when my brain just stops working and it's time to lay on the ground. Most people do lunch and maybe i'd work better if i did too, but i just cant eat during the day most of the time. So what i end up doing instead is waiting until like 1545 or so and then taking my 30 minutes on the floor. Laying on the ground is so nice and calming and quiet. I miss my grouchy cat that used to keep me company down here, but thats easing lately too. It's just quieter. and It stinks less. I loved him but he was a stinky boy sometimes. It was worth it though, he was such good company. 

 I've been talking to gemini a lot over the last two to three weeks, trying to weasel out a schedule that would let me do all of the things that i want to do, including stream better and more consistently. It wasn't it's fault it helped me realize that i literally just dont have time to give something like that my attention and not screw up other things in my life. I was also spending a little too much on gear for it, even though a large majority of that stuff can and is being used elsewhere when it's not stream-time. I dont know. Maybe i'll try to shoehorn it back in someplace. I just gotta figure out where it can go that wont completely hose things up. I miss it. 

 One fo the things that i've let fall by the wayside is learning sign. I really want to learn it, and use it, and get good enough at it that i can make some deaf pals and get lots of practice. With enough practice and some credentials maybe i can find a job that doesnt require my brain all the time, or at least a different part of the grey meat. I still like to help people,and fix things, but i want to help people in different ways, i'm kind of tired of fixing printers and helping people sign into their phones. I know what i do is a little more complicated than that but thats what it feels like most of the time. And of course i realize i have to use my brain to interpret or translate, but it's totally different. I dont have to solve problems in the same way, i can solve them differently. I also realize that this is a long way off and not something I can just do

 It's about that time to lay on the floor, so I think thats what I'm gonna do. 

 

 

 Alright so we are actually going to finish a post this time. 

We stepped back from the internet for a couple of weeks there after having a very productive and enjoyable long weekend with my wife over her birthday. The release of stress and the dropping of certain responsibilities made me realize that there are a number of aspects of my life where i input far too much energy for very little return. Which sounds a little pompous and awful to say, but as i've gotten older i've really started trying to prioritize where i put my attention. I'm very bad at paying attention. 

 The end of it all is really there have been certain aspects of my life that i've not been paying attention to that i should have been. Shirking one thing for something else is fine if the other thing is actually more important, and not just dopamine. I've missed streaming, i've missed chat and my friends, but i've gained quite a bit of inner peace and lowered my stress, so is that a good trade off? 

There were never really any hopes of making it big streaming, or even making money off of it, i was just there for the party. And boy did we party, so much so that I had to take a step back earlier in the year because i was just giving too much of myself to it. When you wife stopped working due to some health issues, that also truncated my time to stream. Between that and working extra to make up for certain debts, the amount of time i can put into streaming just kept getting less and less. 

It doesnt help that I think my saturday nights went kind of off the rails there for a month or so. I mean they were always a little bananas but it felt like people wanted to be there and it sort of had some kind of structure. It didn't, but i felt like guided chaos at least. The last few streams were just chaos, no guidance. And i couldnt get it back, just no matter what i did after each evening i'd be wasted tired and reaching to find what felt like it went wrong. Maybe nothing went wrong. Maybe the chaos finally got to me? I just dont know. But it didnt feel right anymore, like i was trying to hard for something but i didnt know what. 

 There have been times where i've been very tempted to go back to it. I miss the chat and i miss doing fun things. I still do fun things, i'm just the only one around for any of them. Well, thats not really true, Mrs Potato is always with me. We got to spend some time together this sunday jamming to records, like i used to do on saturdays. It was really fun and i didnt drink and still had a blast with it. We cleaned up down here and hung out and it was just....nice reconnecting to things i like with her. We've had a fire just about every night this week since i'm on call and cant go anywhere anyway, thats been really awesome too. 

Well its been a few hours and i havent added anything new to this so I'm just gonna post it and call it good. 

I think not streaming for a while is a good thing, i just dislike it and feel lonely about it. At least no one really seemed to have noticed too much. I still havent decided it thats a good thing or a bad one. 

 

 Ive basically just been working since the last time i wrote anything about anything. Well that and playing stupid video games, but those are needed for the brain, otherwise we throw things. I dont really throw things but you can feel that way sometimes.

The new plan for the camera and mic outside is going to work i think. The camcorder goes outside, point at the fire. Composite to HDMI adapter power and camera connected to the power strip behind the bench. The mic connected with the extra long xlr cable to the interface in the house on the mixing table, i'll use my laptop for chat. Then i'll use the normal webcam on the tripod to the usb extension for myself, and stick that in the corner. 

It sounds like a good plan, and everything works, sort of. But i wont have direct control over my OBS so that'll be interesting. If i can get the USB hub connected with the camera I can use the macro keys outside at least. I think. But every time i use a 2k camera on a USB hub it always causes problems.Could be a shitty USB hub though, it is a little older now since i got most of that stuff when i put my desk together in 2020. gees. Maybe i should get a new one. 

I'm trying a new flavour of linux on my netbook now, AntiX. It's really lightweight and quick, which is all i need for this thing. It's going to run chat through IRC for twitch, read comics, and maybe write blog posts when i think about it. Thats just about all it has to do and for what its got thats probably more than enough. 

Boops takes her driving test on monday, that'll be interesting. I know she'll do fine, but what comes after that is what is making me anxious. Her brother did fine, and she will do fine. It'll be fine, i just have to trust it. 

 There isnt really much to say or talk about other than the plans for the party outside. The weather here is starting to get really nice for sitting around on the porch because it's a reasonable temp outside for longer now. Good weather for a fire too, which is perfect really. 

I do have to start making cookies soon. It's cooled down i've just been really lazy. Shit and I have to find a friend of mine some South Park. 

What anime have I been watching lately. A Couple of Cuckoos, Sakamoto Days, Solo Camping for Two, and Summer Pockets. All of them have been pretty fun, Cuckoos is pretty middle of the road for what it is, but it's got me suckered in. I almost fell back into watching Dress Up Darling or whatever its called, but I know how that one goes.I havent really found what I'll be watching next season yet, but maybe I'll mention them here and if I think about it write out what I think about them. Could have done that this time but I'm just poppin in to leave a note, you know?

This weekend should be fun. Today is a lazy day but the rest of the time I'msure we'll be going to parks and cemetaries and stuff. I've thought about posting some pictures here in the updates just for fun, but i tend to only look for the stones that look like tree stumps. 

 Working n the office kind of has a new flavour to it now, and I cant say i like it much. I miss my boy, but thats been beat to death so i'm going to have to move past it. We are training a new guy this week, which is great because it means in like six months it'll be really helpful, but in that time we'll have six times more volume and it wont really help that much, but we'd be dead without him. I like the guy, he seems fine and not like a lazy person. We have enough of those. 

 Life without Mr Gus down in the office has been slow and quiet and lonely. Honestly i swear i hear him all the time, but it's just my brain filling in the silence I think. Miss Luna does come downstairs and hangs out with me sometimes, but mostly just because she wants to go outside out the back door. I'd want that too, and i do like going out there with her, she just does the same thing Gus used to do though, eats grass and then comes inside and throws it up. I dont know why cats like to do that. Toby never did and neither did Miss Steve. I think once I'm done done with cats i wont think about them quite so much, but i loved them all and i miss the ones that arent here. 

 Work has helped a little bit in that Ive got something else to think about. Streaming last weekend was different, but we all had a good time and i didnt have to talk about it. I did bring him uup once on sunday though while we were listening to music, but only to explain the incense thing i've been doing, since it so happened i was burning the last one for mr gus while on stream, it only seemed right to include everyone. I do think good thoughts for him and wish him a peaceful rest when i do that. i really do want him to be safe and sound and calm somewhere and i know he isnt in pain any more, thats the important thing i guess. I just miss him a lot. 

Wow need to move on. No new projects right now. The outside fire streams have been improved and i think i'll run with those some times int he evenings just to balance things out if i need to stream but cant think of what to stream. I dont think it'll work in the winter time, and I might change the cameras around a little, instead of trying to get the whole picture into the camcorder, just use that for the fire or something. Point the webcam at my head and call it good. Yea there'll be some time that im not on the screen, but no one cares about that anyway, i dont HAVE to be on the screen, i just am so it's more personable. I could just do the vtube thing but its more work than just having my real face on it. Plus im not really worried about someone getting to me in person. Not really anyway. 

I need to do this a little today, if only to try and get myself back int he habit of letting my brain just go for a while when ive got a few minutes. Good luck out there yall. 

 

 

 Mondays seem to be a reflective day for me. Youd think it would be something like a sunday evening or something but no, monday mornings are when i get weird and nostalgic. I wonder if thats because its my escapism coming through since i really dont want to do my job. I get really hard anxiety every monday morning when i get up, gurgle-y stomach and everything. Its one of the things i wish i could shake but i just haven't been able to do it. Who knows. Most of these entries come from a monday morning or something when im sitting here wishing i was doing just about anything other than working, cobbled together throughout the day until i'm "done" with it and then it just gets saved. A window into the mind of an IT professional on a monday I guess. 

 One of my cats is dying and im really sad about it. He's ancient and it's past his time but that doesnt make it any easier. For those of you who dont watch the streams, his name is Mr Gus and he was a cat we inherited from a dead neighbor when their family couldn't care for him. We dont know how old he was when we got him, but the vet guessed about 16 or so, that was about 5 years ago. So he's definitely older and had some mobility issues at that time, but was still spry and i still wanted to love on him. We may be taking him into the vet latr this week for a sleeping session, i dont want him to suffer and I know the end is near just from how he's acting. It's just hard. I hold on for too long and i know it. I did this when Crystal got sick and passed, babied him right up until i just couldnt do it any more. He'd lost his ability to walk and was dragging himself around and i just couldnt help him any more and he had to go to sleep too. I hate this part of owning cats. I love them so much their whole lives and then I have to be the one to put them down too. It's just not fair. I know life isnt fair, but it still hurts. Gus isnt there yet, but he's getting close and I dont want to do that. 

He is just on my mind a lot lately. There are of course other things to worry about, as always, but he's weighing me down a little. I think it's because he is such a good boy and never causd anyone any trouble and is just a sweet old man. I love his little face. But I do have to think about something else a little bit or I'll spiral down the tube all day and no one needs that. 

 Streaming has been going alright. Game night was fun, but we didnt play any Halo and I'm sure that put off at least a couple of people. I would love to play some Infinite or something this week maybe. I can get Flanja and the rest to hop in on that probably. I'm sure. We'll shuffle things around a little this week and maybe do something short after jams, keep jams short, and start halo around 10. Get people in there kinda early but not too early? We'll see. I know there are some people who only come for Halo and dont really play anything else, but also vice versa, so we'll just have to play things by ear. I suppose at the end of the day if im having a good time and they are having a good time, the rest isn't as important, or worth worrying about. 

 We are gong to the state fair this weekend and im super excited about it. I get to go to the beer tent too, and even though Mrs Potato doesnt really drink, I think it'll be fun to try some new things. Plus i get to wander around a little drunk all day, so that'll probably be my first stop! Pretty excited for the butter cow, because i mean shit, if you go to a fair and DONT see a giant animal made out of butter or cheese did you really go? I've never been to one before so i'm very stoked on the possibility of having a bunch of crazy new fried things i can try. If you fry something, i'll generally eat it, and i'm taking like 40 bucks to just spend on trash food while im there. 

 We went to some sand dunes this last weekend, and i really always like going there. the town around the dunes is just so nice and vacation-y, which people everywhere having a great time and lots of summer homes that are cute and fun to look at. We got there really early int he morning, which is good because it takes 3 hours to get to the place. Parking was a cinch and we got to wander in the dunes for about 3-4 hours before we got too hot and needed a break, and it was about the time all the kids and families were flooding into the sand so it was a good time to roll anyway. We saw some good graveyards out there and I've been getting better about stopping for them. Sometimes in the country they are just kinda hard to see before you drive past them, and then stopping and turning around it kind of a pain in the ass, so sometimes i dont. I've been getting better about it though. 

 Socially things are alright. Think i've pissed off one of my friends but maybe not? I'm not sure. he's not the best person for finding out what you did but there were some backhanded comments on friday night that made me wonder if i said or did something to cause a problem. Probably, i tend to do that, i cant remember now how they said it, but they did say something about demeaning or condescending comments, which i mean i guess you could see how i talk to people that way sometimes, but it might also not have been me at all. I dont know, thats partly the problem really. We were playing a game and its one that this person has gotten lost in fairly quickly before, so i just try to keep them moving in the right direction. Maybe that could be a little demeaning if i wasn't being kind about it, or maybe it was because i was being too kind about it that the tone makes it sound condescending. I just know that i have tone problems in social situations and not everyone gets it, or might take things the wrong way. I certainly hope that isnt the case here, and it's probably someone else that they were referring to, but unless or until someone can be specific i just spin my wheels on it. 

 I dont know man, it's halfway through monday part 1 and im already tired, but only for thinking too much. I'm going to turn my brain off for a bit.